Dinner Party

2 weeks ago Sarah and I were invited out for dinner by her new boss. We would be dining with Mrs Yu (the boss), her husband, who happens to be a former Korean diplomat to Britain and her co-workers. Something a bit different for a Saturday night AND a free meal. We had to travel to the Southern reaches of Seoul, a fair distance from our abode up in the North-East. We really didn't want to be late and to make a good impression. Sarah's boss had only been there a week, plus the fact her husband was a pretty important guy (these things are worth double in Korean culture - especially as he is an older guy - the pinnacle of the Korean social hierarchy). Of course though, we managed to get to our meeting point 10 minutes late. Then we had to find a payphone as our second phone from Korea is also now out of action. And of course the Law of the Sod decided that the only payphone insight was occupied. Wonderful. Eventually, after Sarah and I huffed and puffed around the phone box for a while the guy finished his call and we were able to tell our hosts we had (belatedly) arrived. A flash car then came to pick us up with our host for the evening, Mr Yu, driving it. We hastily apologised for our tardiness, but Mr Wu gently waved away our apologies. He seemed like a nice guy. His English was also excellent, which can sometimes be a slight issue at Korean dinners.

We arrived at the restaurant which was actually part of the National University of Korea. We made our way into the plush reception area and Sarah and I immediately regretted our attire of jeans and trainers. Oops, maybe should have dressed up a little more. My apprehension began to grow as we were then ushered to a private room, where we would be dining that night. The room consisted of one large circular table, with 8 Korean females around the table. The atmosphere immediately felt stifling and tense. We sat down and nobody was talking to each other at all. I soon realised a vacuum must have been left in the room when Mr Yu had come to pick us up because within seconds he was chatting to me in English and did not let up for the whole 3 hours we were there. No-one else got a look in. Although this was a welcome relief to the silence with which we were greeted, it was pretty hard going too. Korean culture is totally male-dominated, so with me being the only other guy in the room, all Mr Wu's oratory was directed solely at me. This also meant all eyes were on me and all ears on my responses, as Mr Wu set out to find out more about me. Although, he was a pleasant and even amusing man, the whole experience did seem a bit like a job interview and I found myself searching for the best answer, rather than just speaking my mind.

After a few minutes of this, Mr Wu explained that in our absence, each other guest had given a brief speech about themselves and he had written notes on everyone to help him remeber (probably an old diplomat trick). And of course, it wouldn't have been fair if Sarah and I were not to have the same platform to speak about ourselves! I gave a quick rundown about myself (or rather the aspects he thought he wanted to hear about) and even manged to raise a few sympathetic laughs along the way. I viewed it as brief speaking practice for my best man's speech I have to give next summer in its most basic form. Except next year, I'll be stitching up my mate, rather than trying to big myself up, so it'll be pretty different. And when the real thing happens, there will only be about 20 times the amount of people there. Still, any practice is welcome.

The meal itself consisted of 3 courses, salad, soup then Italian style steak, washed down with some pretty good red wine. Considering I was half-expecting Shabu Shabu (Mongolian cuisine which Koreans normally enjoy feeding me) this was certainly a turn-up for books! Although I was very grateful to my host for inviting us out for dinner and delivering top-notch grub, it was a little difficult to enjoy the fine food. Mr. Wu was much more interested in regaling me in tales from either his childhood (actually very interesting, he had to be evacuated from Seoul to Busan at the outbreak of the Korean War. He made the journey on foot when he was 2 years old. It took him a month of solid walking!) or his work for the Korean Embassy in London (not quite as interesting), than he was bothered about eating. Of course then I couldn't eat as I normally would, which usually resembles feeding time at the zoo, as I had to be on hand to give reassuring utterances that I was taking in all the information presented to me. My Wu was so intent on delivering which was at times, a monologue, that he had at one point two courses stacked up and ready to be eaten. I remember reading in my Lonely Planet that it is considered rude in Korea to finish your dinner before your elders, so I made sure at least Mrs Wu always finished before me. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to wait for Mr Wu to finish, but as this was unlikely to ever happen I decided it was okay to finish after his wife. I noticed that none of the other guests (except Mrs Wu) finished any of their courses, but I decided what was good enough fo the diplomat's wife was good enough for me! And to honest I was willing to cause slight offence rather than see this delicious grub go to waste. If I had been with a different group of people I would have finished all their steaks off as well, such is the lack of red meat I have had recently, but I had to be respectful of the fact I couldn't just interrupt my host with "Yo Mr Wu, are you finishing that steak or what?!!"

It was definitely hard-going having pretty much all the conversation directed at me. It's strange coming from a country like Britain which, I'm not kidding myself, is still a patriarchal society (but much more implicitly) to a country where the male really is king. Even though all the information could have been just as, if not more interesting for any of the female guests, it was pretty much all directed towards me. Sarah was referred to briefly at times, but it really was a cultural contrast to not have all the people at the table addressed on a more equal basis. It was also different from our own culture in that fact that there were almost no other conversation going on at the table. We were pretty much just here to listen to the powerful male, be gracious that he paid for the meal (the elder always pays) and speak when spoken to. It was almost like being thrust back to (how I imagine) Victorian times!!

Eventually we finished our meals and coffee was brought out. This meant time for more public speaking. Yippee! Although Mr Wu had been honing the oratory skills which must have served him well as a diplomat, he also wanted to us give our chance on the speak (when he deemed appropriate). We each had to deliver an impromptu toast, which was kind of embarrassing as we had to serve up the old cliches, but it was another one of those character-building occassions. Mr Wu kindly offered to give us a lift back to the subway station. En route he gave us an obligatory tour of the university, then we were free to go! We then made our way to Gangnam, which wasn't too far away and where we could wind down with some good quality beer from Castle Praha. We certainly needed it after the hard work we had put in that night.